Today

Today, I had a grand time with my love. We woke up wrapped in soft cotton sheets, my head resting on his smooth skinned chest. He kissed my forehead and grasped the palm of my hand with his fingers.

Today, I had a grand time with my love. We went for coffee and held onto each other tight, my hand resting in his and the open road ahead of us. He kissed me on my neck and called me beautiful.

Today, I had a grand time with my love. We sipped on wine and fine dined, my eyes fixated on his. He looked at me with his lovely pair of eyes and I didn't have to say a word, I knew how we both felt. 

Today, I had a grand time with my love. We played a game and I learned something new, my concentration solely to him. He guided me and taught me something I hadn't known before.

Today, I had a grand time with my love. We went for a beer and he made me laugh, my heart growing so fond of his contagious personality. He told me a story about his life and I liked him even more.

Today, I had a sad time with my love. I came to see him and things were different, my thoughts racing through my mind. He said he was breaking up with me and I began to cry.

Today, I had a different kind of day with myself. I did things on my own because that's how life works, my emotions left unattached. He didn't do anything for me today.

Today, I had a new day with myself. I woke up in hard cotton sheets, my head resting on a flat pillow. I told myself that I am beautiful, smart, and independent because that was the only thing I could do.

365 Days Later.

I can't understand for the life of me why people leave and we're supposed to move on and be okay. When I love, I love forever and I'm never going to be fully okay. 

Love.

Remember when we used to be in love?
Remember when you used to love me?
Remember when things felt perfect for some time?

I think I look back on our love and wonder when things changed. Sometimes I blame myself for the misfortunes that came to be of what we once had. Lately I don't blame myself for what went wrong though, I'm not sure if I even blame you.

I think and I wonder what could've been and I feel so lonely that I'm unable to breathe for a moment.

I've always had this idea that one day I would experience what it's like to be in love and I'd know exactly what love means. Now I think I'll never know what love means.

Will our hearts ever heal from lost love? Maybe not. My heart feels better now most days but I still think of you. I hope you still think of me.

I could never forget the way you smelled or your facial expressions or how you'd hold me on a bad day when I'd be sobbing in your arms.

Relationships change and I don't understand change. When I love someone, I really love them.

I don't want to see you with someone else or see the great things you're accomplishing. I hope you don't think I'm selfish. I'll always want you to be happy.

My heart hurts and I don't like that feeling but I know it means that we once had something really great and I still remember everything.