Today

Today, I had a grand time with my love. We woke up wrapped in soft cotton sheets, my head resting on his smooth skinned chest. He kissed my forehead and grasped the palm of my hand with his fingers.

Today, I had a grand time with my love. We went for coffee and held onto each other tight, my hand resting in his and the open road ahead of us. He kissed me on my neck and called me beautiful.

Today, I had a grand time with my love. We sipped on wine and fine dined, my eyes fixated on his. He looked at me with his lovely pair of eyes and I didn't have to say a word, I knew how we both felt. 

Today, I had a grand time with my love. We played a game and I learned something new, my concentration solely to him. He guided me and taught me something I hadn't known before.

Today, I had a grand time with my love. We went for a beer and he made me laugh, my heart growing so fond of his contagious personality. He told me a story about his life and I liked him even more.

Today, I had a sad time with my love. I came to see him and things were different, my thoughts racing through my mind. He said he was breaking up with me and I began to cry.

Today, I had a different kind of day with myself. I did things on my own because that's how life works, my emotions left unattached. He didn't do anything for me today.

Today, I had a new day with myself. I woke up in hard cotton sheets, my head resting on a flat pillow. I told myself that I am beautiful, smart, and independent because that was the only thing I could do.

365 Days Later.

I can't understand for the life of me why people leave and we're supposed to move on and be okay. When I love, I love forever and I'm never going to be fully okay. 

A Fear of Love

I really like you but I'm afraid you don't feel the same way. Although it may sound a bit melancholy, it seems too good to be true for someone of your stature to think of me in such a breathtaking way. Alas you tell me that you like me and that you can't wait to get to know me. So I trust your every word and hope for a future worth mentioning.

I really like you but I'm afraid you'll let me down. Although it may sound a bit foreshadowed to assume that things will get detrimental, I only know what I know and that the one before you left me in the cold. You mustn't judge me for what I am hesitant of.

I really like you but I'm afraid of loss. Although if may sound silly to fret on experiencing an important piece of life. To lose is to have something disappear, something that could mean the world to one person. To not have at all means to never have to lose.

A wise man once told me not to be afraid. Fear is what's keeping the world from being a place filled with love.

Love.

Remember when we used to be in love?
Remember when you used to love me?
Remember when things felt perfect for some time?

I think I look back on our love and wonder when things changed. Sometimes I blame myself for the misfortunes that came to be of what we once had. Lately I don't blame myself for what went wrong though, I'm not sure if I even blame you.

I think and I wonder what could've been and I feel so lonely that I'm unable to breathe for a moment.

I've always had this idea that one day I would experience what it's like to be in love and I'd know exactly what love means. Now I think I'll never know what love means.

Will our hearts ever heal from lost love? Maybe not. My heart feels better now most days but I still think of you. I hope you still think of me.

I could never forget the way you smelled or your facial expressions or how you'd hold me on a bad day when I'd be sobbing in your arms.

Relationships change and I don't understand change. When I love someone, I really love them.

I don't want to see you with someone else or see the great things you're accomplishing. I hope you don't think I'm selfish. I'll always want you to be happy.

My heart hurts and I don't like that feeling but I know it means that we once had something really great and I still remember everything.

Life. Dreams. Beautiful. Life.

I used to have dreams about the love I had for you. I would picture us laughing and enjoying each other's company. You would teach me new things and I would admire you. The one I loved had beautiful hands. He would rest his hand on mine and it was so incredible. We would lay in fields and dream about where we wanted to go in our lives.

When I think of love, I think of being a housewife. You go off to work and I take care of our kids and take them to their activities and sports practices. I make dinner and when you come home you eat and tell me about work, and you just stare at me because you missed me. We play games with our kids and help them with their homework. On the weekends we wake up early and take our kids and our dog to the park. I think I love to dream.

When I don't think of love, I think of being completely involved in my career. I go to work in the city and take care of my news stories and design work. I pick up dinner and come home to missed business calls and several new e-mails. I try and get an early start on my next big story and designing a very important logo for a large company. On the weekends I escape the city by getting on trains and exploring the world. I think reality can be beautiful.

I still have dreams of the love I had for you. I picture us sitting and hating each other's company. You don't teach me new things and I never admire you. Your hands are dirty. You don't try to rest your hand on mine and you tell me you love someone else. We lay in a field for the last time and I dream about the goals I have for my life.

lights.

what happens to us as we grow old?
why do our parents only talk to their siblings when they have to?
how come anxiety and depression pills are the cure to life?

i'm scared of the future.
i'm scared that my siblings and nephews won't have a change at an innocent world.
i'm scared we will die from too many disasters.
i'm scared?

i know that i can be happy with all the love we have for each other.
i am sure that there are enough beautiful souls left to cure all of the rotten ones.

sometimes i go on not making sense.
other times i try and make sense of it.