Today

Today, I had a grand time with my love. We woke up wrapped in soft cotton sheets, my head resting on his smooth skinned chest. He kissed my forehead and grasped the palm of my hand with his fingers.

Today, I had a grand time with my love. We went for coffee and held onto each other tight, my hand resting in his and the open road ahead of us. He kissed me on my neck and called me beautiful.

Today, I had a grand time with my love. We sipped on wine and fine dined, my eyes fixated on his. He looked at me with his lovely pair of eyes and I didn't have to say a word, I knew how we both felt. 

Today, I had a grand time with my love. We played a game and I learned something new, my concentration solely to him. He guided me and taught me something I hadn't known before.

Today, I had a grand time with my love. We went for a beer and he made me laugh, my heart growing so fond of his contagious personality. He told me a story about his life and I liked him even more.

Today, I had a sad time with my love. I came to see him and things were different, my thoughts racing through my mind. He said he was breaking up with me and I began to cry.

Today, I had a different kind of day with myself. I did things on my own because that's how life works, my emotions left unattached. He didn't do anything for me today.

Today, I had a new day with myself. I woke up in hard cotton sheets, my head resting on a flat pillow. I told myself that I am beautiful, smart, and independent because that was the only thing I could do.

365 Days Later.

I can't understand for the life of me why people leave and we're supposed to move on and be okay. When I love, I love forever and I'm never going to be fully okay. 

The Late Night Life Ponderer

A good friend of mine once told me, "What happens in the dark, comes out in the light."

I never saw that friend again but I think back on what people teach me and I try and learn from it.

My heart hurts for all of the pretty souls of the world searching for peace.

A Fear of Love

I really like you but I'm afraid you don't feel the same way. Although it may sound a bit melancholy, it seems too good to be true for someone of your stature to think of me in such a breathtaking way. Alas you tell me that you like me and that you can't wait to get to know me. So I trust your every word and hope for a future worth mentioning.

I really like you but I'm afraid you'll let me down. Although it may sound a bit foreshadowed to assume that things will get detrimental, I only know what I know and that the one before you left me in the cold. You mustn't judge me for what I am hesitant of.

I really like you but I'm afraid of loss. Although if may sound silly to fret on experiencing an important piece of life. To lose is to have something disappear, something that could mean the world to one person. To not have at all means to never have to lose.

A wise man once told me not to be afraid. Fear is what's keeping the world from being a place filled with love.

Boxes.

Today was an interesting day. I went through boxes and boxes of stored belongings I have and sorted through them. It's a bit insane the feelings that can be brought back from such a task. I felt as if I were in high school once again and all the friends I've lost were standing right beside me. School papers were there reminding me of who I once was and smells transported me to a time when I seemed much younger. I threw a lot away, something I've never even thought about doing before. There comes a time when letting go seems like the right thing to do.

Love.

Remember when we used to be in love?
Remember when you used to love me?
Remember when things felt perfect for some time?

I think I look back on our love and wonder when things changed. Sometimes I blame myself for the misfortunes that came to be of what we once had. Lately I don't blame myself for what went wrong though, I'm not sure if I even blame you.

I think and I wonder what could've been and I feel so lonely that I'm unable to breathe for a moment.

I've always had this idea that one day I would experience what it's like to be in love and I'd know exactly what love means. Now I think I'll never know what love means.

Will our hearts ever heal from lost love? Maybe not. My heart feels better now most days but I still think of you. I hope you still think of me.

I could never forget the way you smelled or your facial expressions or how you'd hold me on a bad day when I'd be sobbing in your arms.

Relationships change and I don't understand change. When I love someone, I really love them.

I don't want to see you with someone else or see the great things you're accomplishing. I hope you don't think I'm selfish. I'll always want you to be happy.

My heart hurts and I don't like that feeling but I know it means that we once had something really great and I still remember everything.

Have You Ever Sat And Wondered When Things Are Going To Start Making Sense Again?

Have you ever sat and wondered when things are going to start making sense again? Like we hit this age where we start doubting everything. We start growing up and realizing that things aren't as we always had seemed back when we were just kids. Now we have to make choices and those choices are important. They shape who we are and where we will go in life.

I sit and wonder sometimes, quite often lately, when things will make sense. If ever. When our decisions will be good ones or when we'll grow common sense. Or the day when we'll love so hard because we're just waiting for someone to say they love us back.

What is there to make sense of really. It's like we have all of these phases of life. Like being a kid and then being a teenager and it keeps going. But as humans we change during all of those times. We lose touch with people. Our families aren't the same. And we're just sitting here day after day and night after night... trying to make sense of it. Wondering if things are going to start making sense again.