The Late Night Life Ponderer

A good friend of mine once told me, "What happens in the dark, comes out in the light."

I never saw that friend again but I think back on what people teach me and I try and learn from it.

My heart hurts for all of the pretty souls of the world searching for peace.

A Fear of Love

I really like you but I'm afraid you don't feel the same way. Although it may sound a bit melancholy, it seems too good to be true for someone of your stature to think of me in such a breathtaking way. Alas you tell me that you like me and that you can't wait to get to know me. So I trust your every word and hope for a future worth mentioning.

I really like you but I'm afraid you'll let me down. Although it may sound a bit foreshadowed to assume that things will get detrimental, I only know what I know and that the one before you left me in the cold. You mustn't judge me for what I am hesitant of.

I really like you but I'm afraid of loss. Although if may sound silly to fret on experiencing an important piece of life. To lose is to have something disappear, something that could mean the world to one person. To not have at all means to never have to lose.

A wise man once told me not to be afraid. Fear is what's keeping the world from being a place filled with love.

Boxes.

Today was an interesting day. I went through boxes and boxes of stored belongings I have and sorted through them. It's a bit insane the feelings that can be brought back from such a task. I felt as if I were in high school once again and all the friends I've lost were standing right beside me. School papers were there reminding me of who I once was and smells transported me to a time when I seemed much younger. I threw a lot away, something I've never even thought about doing before. There comes a time when letting go seems like the right thing to do.

Love.

Remember when we used to be in love?
Remember when you used to love me?
Remember when things felt perfect for some time?

I think I look back on our love and wonder when things changed. Sometimes I blame myself for the misfortunes that came to be of what we once had. Lately I don't blame myself for what went wrong though, I'm not sure if I even blame you.

I think and I wonder what could've been and I feel so lonely that I'm unable to breathe for a moment.

I've always had this idea that one day I would experience what it's like to be in love and I'd know exactly what love means. Now I think I'll never know what love means.

Will our hearts ever heal from lost love? Maybe not. My heart feels better now most days but I still think of you. I hope you still think of me.

I could never forget the way you smelled or your facial expressions or how you'd hold me on a bad day when I'd be sobbing in your arms.

Relationships change and I don't understand change. When I love someone, I really love them.

I don't want to see you with someone else or see the great things you're accomplishing. I hope you don't think I'm selfish. I'll always want you to be happy.

My heart hurts and I don't like that feeling but I know it means that we once had something really great and I still remember everything.